“Parenting is the easiest thing in the world to have an opinion about, but the hardest thing in the world to do.”- Matt Walsh.
Since the birth of your tiny human, you might want to give your whole world up for them. You don’t want to be a ‘bad parent’.
But as they grow, you forget the thin line between good and bad parenting and bad parenting cause anxiety in your children.
Engaging in harmful parenting can cause a long-term adverse effect on your child’s psyche.
But first of all, we need to differentiate between good parenting and bad parenting that cause anxiety.
Some parents do it intentionally, but most people do not. Because they were never taught how to become a good parent.
Fulfilling your kids every demand does not mean you are a ‘good parent’.
The same goes for you to decline your kid’s every wish or demand does not make you a good parent either.
In reality, parenting starts the moment you conceive your child. A mother’s physical and psychological balance depends if her child will be prone to anxiety or depression.
Now let’s learn whether you are doing parenting that is causing anxiety in your child.
Negating Your Child’s Concern is A Sign of Bad Parenting Cause Anxiety
I will start it with an example so that it is easier to understand. Suppose your child is being bullied by peers at school and comes to you for comfort and, if you just tell them ‘get over it, the child will lose trust in you and will never tell you anything about their sufferings in future. Even if matters as serious as sexual abuse.
Lesson: Validate your child’s concerns. That is good parenting.
You Keep Comparing your Child with Others
Comparing is tremendously detrimental for kids as well adults. Children who have spent so little time on earth, cannot even understand what they are doing wrong than their peers. A seed of shame is sown at the core of their heaths. Thus bad parenting cause anxiety or depression in the child.
Lesson: Encourage your child’s individuality.
Not Showing enough Affectioniate Behaviour To Your Child Can Cause Anxiety
A little kid is basically helpless and always craving attention in various ways from their parents. But suppose you live in a dysfunctional family where love is hard to find the child becomes confused. He questions, “Do they even love me?”
or “Am I the reason for their problem?”
This is a classing example of bad parenting that cause anxiety.
Lesson: Assure your child that mom and dad may fight, but he is not the reason.
Punishing your Child in Front of Public
Here I will again start with an example. This story was told to me by a friend.
She went shopping for clothes with her mother. While she suggested her mother buy a particular piece; She was chided upon and shamed in front of strangers at the mall. She also added that was the last time she went shopping with her mother. It happened when she was fifteen. Now she is 25 years old and has cut all her ties with her mother.
Lesson: Respect your children and their choices.
Downplaying Your Kid’s Achievements
Many parents have children who are high achievers. They can be in academics or sports in any other arena.
These tiger parents often formulate that their child is not doing enough, even if they are at their peak of performance.
They will say things like, “I know you can do better.”
Or, “You only got the second position in the competition! If you practised more, the first prize would have been yours”.
Another seed of not being good enough to the people who mean the world has been successfully sown. The child will carry this burden of not being good enough for the rest of their lives which may often result in anxiety disorders or mood disorders.
Lesson: Know the limit of your child and do not push them over their edge.
Ignoring Your Child When They Are Craving Your Attention
It is a modern-day problem. We spend too much time on our mobile phones scrolling through social media or working on our computers. Your child may be asking you to play with him because they are bored or genuinely interested in a game and want someone to play with.
In these cases, the parent often thinks of their kid as a nuisance. They just give them a smartphone that the child forget playing constructive games and stay glued to screens like their parents.
Lesson: Your child’s tender brain needs stimulation. Only play therapy or engaging in interactive activities can provide that.
Being Overprotective Can Cause Anxiety in a Child
So you are a good parent.
You never give your child verbal or corporal punishment. But you have a tendency to shield them from all types of adversities that life throws at them.
Let’s take an analogy of a tree.
You sow the seeds and nurture them every day, put up a shelter to save them from sunlight and sometimes give it so much nutrition that the plant forgets how hard it is to grow its own roots. Outside they are healthy, but inside, roots have not reached deep enough to protect themselves from a storm. As a result, they get uprooted easily.
Lesson: Help your child but instead of shielding them like, let them deal with their own problems because they are individuals with individual perceptions. Intervene only with life or something serious like that is at risk.
Consequences of Bad Parenting
As unloved parenting can lead to aggression and often criminal behaviours, overprotective parenting can lead to anxiety or other psychological disorders. Besides, your parenting habits have long-lasting consequences. The way you have treated your child, they will do the same with their offspring unless they have done high introspections.
The Bottom Line
You have to remember that your child is not your asset. If he wants to pursue art college, let him attend an art college instead of forcing him to become a doctor or an architect. You have to remember how you were treated in your childhood and how you should have been treated. Apply the same for your child. You will not be there forever to shield or scold your kid at a shopping mall.
Barbara Johnson once said, ” To be in your children’s memories tomorrow, you have to be in their lives today.”
Now you want to be in their good or bad memories, it is totally up to you.