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“Why does everyone hate me?” Is this question dwelling in your mind for a long time? And it just doesn’t get out of your mind. It’s no wonder, this is a common type of feeling that everybody goes through it. But, if you are emotionally weak or your mental well being overwhelms you, it gets easy to believe that people around you hate you.
It’s easy to overlook that someone you haven’t spoken to in a few days isn’t shunning you out of hatred when they don’t answer your texts – they’re probably quite busy.
You are not alone if you can relate to this issue. It’s normal for persons with mental illnesses to believe that folks around them secretly hate them or don’t want to be around them.
When your mind is brutal to you, it affects not only you as a person; but it may also affect how you connect with others.
Below is a list of things that you do, but don’t realize because you keep asking yourself “Why does everyone hate me?”
Things You Don’t Realize You Do
- You keep a record of who talks first – You or They?
You keep a record of how many times you initiate the conversation with your friend and if it’s you, who mostly start, then you stop initiating. You believe that if they start the conversation, they probably don’t hate you.
- You keep yourself to yourself
In groups of friends, you tend to keep things to yourself or stay quiet for most of the conversation. You may get anxious or cautious about what you’re saying is correct or not. What others will think of you? How hard will they judge you?
- You keep seeking validation
You have a constant urge to seek validation or reassurance from your friends. For doing this, you may feel like you are annoying everybody and giving them more reasons to hate you. No matter, how many times people tell you they don’t hate you, but the question “Why does everyone hate me?” constantly persists.
- You stay in the “Silent-Zone” during conversations
You repeatedly think people hate you, so you don’t jump into the conversations or you think people won’t be interested in knowing what you have to say. You prefer to stay in the “Silent-zone” and believe if people start the conversation with you, they don’t hate you.
- You keep pushing people away
Allegedly, you keep seeking answers to “Why does everyone hate me?” and your anxiety may trick you to believe that your friends will push you away, someday. So, to stop yourself from getting hurt, you push them away, first.
You may also test your relationship with your friends by stopping communication with them and judging them on whether they are making an effort for you or not?
- You get clingy
One day, you’ll be spending your whole time with your friends and the next day, you will disappear. Why? You may think they don’t want you around them. This constant battle is never going to stop in your head.
- You feel you are used in every meeting
Whenever you meet your friends, you may feel like you are used or you’re some new cure to their boredom. And, you may not open up with your friends on this issue and feel miserable, all the time.
- You over-apologize
For every tiniest thing, you may apologize. No matter, you are quiet or loud, you’ll apparently say sorry for your whole existence.
- You are a people-pleaser
You literally don’t know how to say “NO” to people and agree with whatever they say. This is because you feel like they’ll love you more if you don’t say NO to anything.
- You avoid eye contacts
During a conversation, you tend to avoid eye contact and feel like people are judging you for whatever you’re saying.
Still questioning yourself “Why do I feel everyone is against me ?” The points mentioned above will assist you in identifying your pain areas so that you may overcome them and trust in your own worth.
Continuous thinking about “Why everyone hates you?” can lead you to suffer from severe health issues like depression, losing interest in life, anxiety disorders, etc.
The best thing you can do is surround yourself with happy and positive people and remind yourself who you are and gradually you’ll come to know how much worthy you are of love and friendships.
Immediate Positive Things To Do
- Immediately surround yourself with positive people
You should constantly be surrounded by folks who appreciate being around you. It might be people who aren’t scared to praise you or invite you to various activities. Remove toxic individuals from your life that consistently let down you and make you believe bad about yourself. If you find that people in your peer group don’t invite you to enough socializing, it’s a sign that they’re not worth weeping over. It is preferable to be in the company of those who want to be with you.
- Document your interactions in the journal
People who suffer from anxiety or poor self-esteem are more likely to concentrate on the bad than the good. Whenever you engage with your friends or family, keep a journal of your interactions. This allows you to view these interactions for what they are. You could be amazed at how many good people you don’t realize exist in your life.
- Be your own cheerleader
It’s crucial to become your own biggest cheerleader. You not only believe that everyone dislikes you, but you also disdain yourself. You may reclaim your self-esteem by reflecting on your achievements and all of the abilities you possess that others lack.
Before you begin your day, give yourself a motivational speech or jot down self-adjustments on notepads to place on your mirror.
Remind yourself that you are deserving of your efforts. You might also look for chances to support others. When this occurs, you will be praised for giving selflessly of your time and effort to a worthwhile cause.
In the end, this will indicate to you that there is always someone out there who believes in you and admires you. Just remember to focus more on positive people in your life and not the negative ones.
Clinical Definitions For “everyone hates me” Feeling
There is no particular clinical definition or term to this question “Why does everyone hate me?”, but there are a few factors why you are feeling like this. No matter, how hard you try, sometimes you can’t get rid of the thought that everyone dislikes you.
Keep reading the article to know ways to cope up with it.
In some situations, feeling that everyone dislikes you may be linked to insecurity symptoms like poor self-esteem or self-worth.
Bullying, whether online or in-person, may start with a single person and escalate to a whole group due to social phenomena such as the bystander effect and herd mentality.
Loneliness is often accompanied by the impression that everyone is against you. Perhaps you may not have had that many social gatherings as you’d like, and you start to believe that your friends are annoyed with you.
- Cognitive Distortions
A cognitive distortion is defined as “a deception our brain delivers to our conscious mind”. They are basically a thought process that isn’t always grounded in reality, for example – all-or-nothing thinking, adverse projections, and overgeneralizing, to mention a few.
Everyone is against you, according to this group of thoughts. Paranoia can be an illness in itself or a sign of those other mood or personality disorders.
ALSO READ: 4 Superb ways to increase MENTAL FOCUS
Basic Steps To Assess Your “Why do people hate me” Feeling
There are a few steps that you need to take if you are constantly dealing with the feeling that no one likes you. First of all, break the continuous line of thoughts and analyze the feeling. Then, you can try the following steps to assess your thoughts and feelings.
Figure out what’s making you feel this way. What are the ideas that are causing your anxiety or affecting your mood?
Re frame the circumstance in your favor. Are there any other explanations, facts, or more positive inferences of your feelings?
Make sure you’re in touch with your overall health. Are you eating well-balanced meals, staying hydrated, getting adequate sleep, and relaxing?
5 Ways to Cope-Up With “Why Does Everyone Hate Me?”
To every problem, there is a solution. Talking about “Why does everyone hate me?” can be overwhelming and can send you on a trip of constant sadness, depression, and anxiety. Here are some ways to cope up with this feeling.
- Assess Your Needs
If you’re familiar with the mind-body relationship, you’re probably aware that physical and emotional symptoms always interact at some level.
In simple words, this relationship demonstrates that if your bodily demands are not given proper attention, you could feel emotionally drained and suffer from anxiety or terrifying thoughts.
It’s fair to be anxious if your spouse and best friend normally respond quickly to your messages.
However, if you’re fed, relaxed, and otherwise healthy, you’ll likely find it simpler to accept the facts and wait calmly without interpreting their behavior.
- Test Your Cognitive Distortions
As explained earlier in the article, cognitive distortions are just thought patterns that play with your mind. A few examples are all-or-nothing thinking, mind-reading, catastrophizing, and personalization.
- All-or-nothing thinking: In this, you think of the extremes. It’s either the person who love you or hate you.
- Mind-reading: You make assumptions that other people simply hate you, even though they’ve never said a word to you.
- Catastrophizing: When you don’t hear back from someone within a day or two, you may begin to believe that no one likes you.
- Personalization: You think people hate you if they seem distant from you or leave you out of social gatherings.
To test these distortions, identify which one are you dealing with and then try the following:
– Reframing the Scenario:
Consider a couple of different reasons for the problematic behaviour. Instead of forming assumptions, try to give people the benefit of the doubt. For example, it’s possible that your partner didn’t respond to your texts because they were unwell and went to sleep.
– Make a List of Evidence:
Make a list of three bits of evidence that support the fact that everybody hates you. Then, come up with three bits of evidence that contradict this. Which of the two lists makes the most sense?
- Remove the Emotional Element Out of the Situation
While your emotions may frequently give valuable information, they can often come in the way of rational thinking.
You yourself become the reason to be upset by thinking that everyone dislikes you. However, attempt to separate yourself from your first emotional outburst and focus on the facts instead.
- Divert Yourself
A good diversion may help you concentrate your mind and shift your attention away from negative thoughts.
Furthermore, diversions that include social engagement and connection might lead to new connections and socialisation. This might help you get rid of the thought that everyone hates you.
To enhance your mood and release bad emotions, you can take up some hobbies like reading, gardening, and dancing. Try to make time for yourself in your everyday life.
- Are You Continuously Having Negative Self-Talks?
Having negative self-talk or feeling of self-hatred might lead you to believe that everyone else dislikes you as well.
Is this a habit of talking down to yourself? Or do you feel you can’t do anything correctly and wish you were a better person?
When you can’t let go of these emotions, they might affect your sense of how others see you. You could figure that if you don’t like yourself, how could anybody else?
Self-hatred doesn’t simply make you feel bad about yourself. It can also lead to sadness, anxiety, and other forms of mental suffering.
As a human, having multiple feelings come naturally to us. “Why does everyone hate me?” is the most common thing that we experience every now and then. This feeling captures our mind mostly when we have low self-esteem or doesn’t feel confident about ourselves.
In this article, we have discussed the things that we unintentionally do and make ourselves suffer, a to-do list about what to do when this feeling overwhelms you, other related clinical terms to this feeling, and how to cope up with this feeling.
Hope you get a fair idea about this and focus on the positive aspects of your life, along with seeing only the good things in your friends and family.